Meh to Mother's Day

Since Mother's Day was just yesterday, I'm speaking to you all from my pedestal, looking down on the rest of the world from waaaay up here.  I'm sure over the next day or two, that pedestal will sink back down to rest where it usually resides, right between the titles of picker-upper and nagger.  But I'm enjoying the view while it lasts.

The last couple of years I've struggled with Mother's Day.  Yesterday, I woke up and decided I'd rather just not get out of bed.  I didn't want to deal with myself and that made me bugged with everyone else.  But, like pretty much every other mother I know, I got out of bed.  I even got dressed and went to church because I'm nothing if not disciplined. (snort)

I made it all the way through the first two hours of church with no problems, other that agreeing with myself repeatedly that I didn't want to be there.  Then came the last hour, where the Young Women combined with all us old ladies and we had a couple of talks about mothers and strawberry shortcake was distributed.  I enjoyed a plateful of strawberries with my daughter, then I looked around.  It didn't take me long before I was on my feet and out the door.

I still don't know what it was that made me feel like I couldn't stay there one more second, but I was done.  I walked home with my head down, ignoring the beautiful sunshine while trying to figure myself out, but the few blocks wasn't long enough to puzzle it out.  All I knew is that I wanted my head on my pillow and I wanted it immediately.

That's how I was when my husband found me.

I don't think my dislike of Mother's Day is because of guilt or inadequacy or anything like that, although I certainly feel that.  I have thought that maybe it's because even bad mothers get a pedestal on Mother's Day, and mother's that hate being mothers and never wanted to be one get a pedestal, and all of us who work and try and give our everything every day to being good mothers get the same strawberries as everyone else.  And maybe that's part of it, but that isn't all of it, either.

So while I work on figuring out my dislike, I hope all of you had a wonderful Mother's Day and that you made it wonderful for the wonderful mothers in your life.